[story] Scam Calls

In-class writing practice at Columbia Summer Camp 2023

I did not remember since when I stopped receiving calls from NYPD Chinese subbranch.

One afternoon before exam a middle-aged Chinese man from New York Police Department asked me about a phone number that I never registered. Perplexed by my “criminal history” and the “potential outcome” of not taking action, I gave out all the information operator Wu inquired – my name, my email address, and the first several letters of my home address. And it was not until he asked about where I lived that I realized the possibility of a scam call: I’m living in Boston, why is NYPD calling me?

I almost laughed out loud for my stupidity and shut off the call immediately. But it seemed that operator Wu had confirmed I was of the most gullible people. I assumed he added me to some list of likely victims, which spread among the Chinese scammers. And it was since then that I started to receive calls from “NYPD”, “China Foreign Exchange Office”, “AT&T Headquarter”, and so forth.

It started quite amusing as every time the caller was operator Wu (even though they were probably not the same person), and operator Wu had a funny Chinese accent. It was surprising how creative the story scammers could come up with, too. I was involved in multiple money laundering business, fraudulent activities, or even armed robberies. One time I got the call when I was with my friend Andy. And when operator Wu finished explaining the legal consequences of my crime, Andy was already rolling on the floor and laughing like a goose. “How could your scams be so stupid?” I asked the scammer and hung up.

Then the scammers started to be annoying. I’d receive multiple scam calls every day and they were impossible to block – each time the scammer used a new fake number. One Friday I bombed a test and the scammer started calling again. This time I picked up the phone and said “fuck you” in Chinese and hung up before operator Wu could say anything. And surprisingly he called back and started swearing in unrecognizable Chinese. His distorted furious accent broke me into laughter. Then I took my revenge. The next time he called, I kept saying “I had to ask my dad about this, and my dad will be home in ten minutes.” So, we waited for my dad while he explained the graveness of my situation. And as soon as he advanced toward the point – having me download some app or calling certain number – I hung up. He called back again and shouted “screw you for wasting my time” in a rather polite manner. Other times I kept responding “yeah” until operator Wu realized I might not be listening and ended the call in the middle of a sentence. Whenever I suspected a scam call, I’d gather with my friends so we could make fun of operator Wu and come up with new ideas together.

After school ended, as the college business and the pressure from SAT came crashing, I spent most of my day in a library without my phone. It was not until Andy reminded me of the “yeah” joke that I realized I could not remember since when I stopped receiving those scam calls. Of course, I wasn’t nostalgic about them – I’d never want to receive those stupid scam calls again. But as the passion for the fresh summer break faded and dissipated and I was left alone in the apartment with three rooms and two beds, I figured I needed to do something else than studying.

Almost a perfect timing, the familiar ringtone rose from the pillow where I hid my phone. Almost as a reflex, I started giggling and pulled out my phone while getting on my bed and saw it was only Mom calling.